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I woke up in a cold sweat....

I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart beating so hard, that I swear I could hear it. WTF!!! My 15 year old is in labor and having a baby? Not the road I had planned for this beautiful, smart, incredible child.
I immediately called the "father". Of course some old dirty perverted bastard that I know. Some piece of shit hanging around a little too much, wanting to be a little more than just a friendly helper around the house. How could I be so stupid and not see this coming? "I'm going to fucking kill you!" I scream into the phone. "What the hell have you done? You are going to rot in hell you filthy child molesting bastard!" My daughter swears she is in love. Thinks he is going to marry her and take care of their baby. I just want to wrap my hands around her and squeeze so hard that her brain starts to function again. I take several deep breaths instead, knowing that if I react too quickly, I am going to say some things that are so hurtful that she will not speak to me for a few days, or weeks, until she needs me to help with something. I am holding her hand, she is screaming from the pain of pushing a live human being through the portal of life. Tears will not stop rolling down my face. "Why, why, WTF why?!!" I am repeating to myself. "Not my child.. Dear God, not this path for her. What about finishing school? What about college? What about all the hopes and dreams we have talked about for the past 13 or so years?"
And then I hear this noise, a piano riff.... a noise that I typically dread. My alarm clock.
"OH MY GOD!!"
I am sweating and my heart is still beating so fast I feel like I'm having a heart attack. It was all just a horrible dream. Wait.... It was ALL JUST A HORRIBLE DREAM!!!!! Yes!!!
I call my 10 year old daughter, tell her I love her more than anything in the world. Tell her that she is an incredible person and not to ever give up on her dreams. Tell her again that I love her and will always be there for her. And in the back of my mind I'm thinking.... Thank God it was all just a horrible dream,  right?

Fooled around and fell in (gulp) love..

How many songs and movies have been written about love? The many stages of it; deliriously happy, happy, bliss, trouble in paradise, heartbreak and revenge. Yet, we don't really listen to the words or heed the message unless it fits into a particular stage or at a particular moment while you are "in" love. Love means different things also to people. For some, simply the act of spending time with another comes across as love. For others, every minute has to be in the presence of the person they are in love with.  Who can tell if someone is really in love with another? Words that are used, cute little phrases shared between two that symbolize the actual three words? I'm going to go out on a limb here and go with ACTIONS. If someone goes out of their way to be with you, they want to do things with you, they want to be there for you when you are in need; that is love in my view.
Websters Dictionary defines the word  - Love n. 1. strong affection 2. object of this 3. in tennis, a score of zero
AGFTMW defines the word - Love v. 1. ACTIONS 2. in life, feelings of complete control and total loss of control leaving you happy and sad, certain and unsure 3. and for some a score of zero.
Fool'ed around and fell in love, damn.

Living Just Enough

How many times have you ever asked yourself this question, "why the fuck am i doing this?".  You don't really have an answer, not an intelligent one anyway. And you continue to do whatever it is that you know isn't in your best interest.  It could be something as simple as doing something you don't want to do for someone, because you told them you would. It could be taking someone somewhere, picking someone up from somewhere. We have all been there. The "why the fuck?" moment.  Why do we do it if we don't want to? To spare someone's feelings? To repay a previous kindness or obligation?
I'm not doing this anymore, starting today. I'm not putting myself in another "why the fuck?" situation. I'm sorry for hurt feelings and a broken word.  I am going to from today forward, Live Just Enough, to make myself happy.  Make a new moment for myself.. Let's call it the "why the fuck, not?"

In the beginning there was light

You reach a point in your life where things are either going to be the way that they are, or they are going to have to change. YOU have to make the changes. Instead of going along with the flow of everyday, you actually have to step outside of the box that is your everyday life, and make the difference.
I'm currently in a well paying, but dead end job. I hate my co workers, I hate the office, I hate the commute. I dislike having to wake up and knowing that is my destination.
In walks an opportunity to make a change. A dim light at the end of the tunnel that is your life. If you can't relate to this, then, You my friend are one of the lucky that have chosen your path in life very well. Not many people that I know can say they are lucky in that aspect. I am in a corporate office full of crabs. Yes, the term crabs in a bucket would describe it very well. No one wants to hear your ideas of getting out, or what you could be doing differently to make your situation better. Nope, instead you get constant negative feedback.

I believe I have been given an opportunity to do something different for myself. A key to unlock the corporate office door. A way out.
Let's just hope this light isn't just one of the crabs deceptively disguised as a great opportunity..
Pray for me......