Sunday, April 24, 2011

I woke up in a cold sweat....

I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart beating so hard, that I swear I could hear it. WTF!!! My 15 year old is in labor and having a baby? Not the road I had planned for this beautiful, smart, incredible child.
I immediately called the "father". Of course some old dirty perverted bastard that I know. Some piece of shit hanging around a little too much, wanting to be a little more than just a friendly helper around the house. How could I be so stupid and not see this coming? "I'm going to fucking kill you!" I scream into the phone. "What the hell have you done? You are going to rot in hell you filthy child molesting bastard!" My daughter swears she is in love. Thinks he is going to marry her and take care of their baby. I just want to wrap my hands around her and squeeze so hard that her brain starts to function again. I take several deep breaths instead, knowing that if I react too quickly, I am going to say some things that are so hurtful that she will not speak to me for a few days, or weeks, until she needs me to help with something. I am holding her hand, she is screaming from the pain of pushing a live human being through the portal of life. Tears will not stop rolling down my face. "Why, why, WTF why?!!" I am repeating to myself. "Not my child.. Dear God, not this path for her. What about finishing school? What about college? What about all the hopes and dreams we have talked about for the past 13 or so years?"
And then I hear this noise, a piano riff.... a noise that I typically dread. My alarm clock.
"OH MY GOD!!"
I am sweating and my heart is still beating so fast I feel like I'm having a heart attack. It was all just a horrible dream. Wait.... It was ALL JUST A HORRIBLE DREAM!!!!! Yes!!!
I call my 10 year old daughter, tell her I love her more than anything in the world. Tell her that she is an incredible person and not to ever give up on her dreams. Tell her again that I love her and will always be there for her. And in the back of my mind I'm thinking.... Thank God it was all just a horrible dream,  right?

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